Sunday, October 14, 2012

New Blog

Being European

I guess any non-European influence could give any European extra problems.

Food Here

My mom doesn't really have the supplies.

Europeans and Their Fascination With Europe

Why even bother talking to them about their fascination with being European?  I have no idea "what" it's like to have a more European father.  I don't think I care, frankly, just the prejudicea about my Native Ameican and probably Jewish blood.

Americans

So, maybe, I have to respect Europeans, but what about other Americans?  They're always competing to see who can be the most American.  }:{  So, what happened to the idea of being good just like in general?

Eating Healthier

I'm eating healthier now.  :9

}:{ Gr.

My dad just came back in again.

There seems to be the idea that I'm not all I used to be cracked up to be.

What Happened This Time

I just felt funny and wanted to pretend I was like a soldier fighting and was upset that I was American but accepted it but not that it was necessarily the best thing.

I was looking for old Halloween costumes like that.  I still have to tell my dad what I want to be.  He's gonna buy the costume.  I also have to decide to spend my money a certain way by a certain time.

^99^  My dad just asked me to go to the mall, and I said no I want to wait until it's time for us to go to the grocery store.  I don't feel so well.  I feel pretty good as a whole for some reason, though.  It's like there's something wrong with the surface of me.  I felt affected by someone ... for some reason I channeled the thought with Helena Bonham Carter ... and I felt my face wasn't as plastered in a certain way that was bad, but I didn't keep the good way.

Hm, I just thought of book when my dad came in.  He left me a note, and I saw it.  I didn't want to go out, though...  I just bought 3 personality books.  What's his point?  I don't want to solidly feel indents in my brain, neither!  Why should I suffer his bloood?

I just realized something.

Don't get mad because there will always be a reason later, but I still deny certain things, feelings.  I do feel very irritated and am keeping to myself a lot, maybe because I'm an adult, now.

I think I can calm down.  I guess I just got excited.  However, when this happens, when I get better, people want to do me in some other way just to test me out.

Also, I'm going to the grocery store sometime soon.  They didn't even have sushi last time I was there, and that's my present diet.  D:  It's been a week!  I didn't go!  I've been having stuff that's not godo for me and didn't have my vitamins.  I can last because I don't make it out much and keep to myself.  I can't imagine people who lead lifestyles that are unrestful.

My Worth

I realized I was worth something and that people are mistaken to think I am worse than them and to mingle that idea with maybe that means I'm not good enough for someone else.

Not Ready

What do you think of the generations who aren't ready to have kids?  It seems I can be an adult but not have kids.

Do I plan to have kids?  Well, I guess as my parent generation gets older.  The kids?  Well, unm, they'll probably have kids, too.

Ellen should have been able to have kids.

Something Funny

So, I was walking a week or so ago, and there was this guym not too weighted down but still substantial... and he said or seemed to like allude to that he was a lean 2-footed dinosaur running in a heard because of the hype over the Ellen ride at Epcot.

I just watched her on Jay Leno, and it was so funny when they toasted at the end that like the goal right now is to be like it was when Titanic came out and that Ellen was the prime suspect against it, since she's from the New Orleans area and not somewhere like L.A., east coast Florida, or maybe NYC.

Also, I know I moved then and Britney Spears became popular.  I was 12.  The clothes were all wrong!  Nothing at all to wear!  I got short and fat and was tall and somewhat thin before.

Also, what's up with the idea that like for instance Helena Bonham Carter is more like Tim Burton than me because they have kids together but aren't married and Ellen DeGeneres is married to a girl but doesn't have kids?

Cont.

Because I've just mostly been in my room on the internet posting about Tim Burton these past 5 years, most of which were pointless and miserable and locked up, so-to-speak.

I've had a very active life before.  I'm very cultured intellectually|technically.  I moved to a few places but only lived with my family in 2 states.

Uncomfortable

I wonder if I'm pretty uncomfortable around certain kinds of people... like Jay Leno.  }:)

American

When did I say that in practicing the American culture that I'm not that European|real????

Oh, so, like, people with older moms can beat me up?  The ones around my age.

Ellen DeGeneres

Ellen DeGeneres and a Baby - Well, no...

On the "Jay Leno Show," she was going to have a baby now, supposedly, but she looked a lot older when she was on it.  I know when I hear that people like her are having a baby I get upset because I know my life will change forever.


People With Dark Skin

I noticed that it depends on your race, like they expect certain races not to be as fair.  They'll really go in and attack you for it.


The Generation of My Parents

My mom is not born early in the 50s!  I cannot change what I like and what I am able to do.

Changing Like People From Other Places That You Know

My face got bigger when I admired a girl who moved to Florida from L.A.  I noticed an actress from England who was rather nonchalant, rather unobtrusive, you might say, had a big face, as well.  She didn't look especially like overly forward like a lot of people and had a more detailed face.  It's hard to describe.  It seems people from England have changed with the world, obviously, duh.

Cali

California is nice because it is rocky and has the breezy ocean.  I guess it's nice to have the water and chill rushing on you.

The places below the Great Lakes are cold, as well.

When You Don't Think You Deserve Something

It seems that's when you do things.

I posted online about Tim Burton and Johnny Depp after I got kicked out of Music Education and Singing Lessons in college.

Voucher

Why would my dad voucher his race being promoted but not his daughter's?

Failure

Why do we have to go public in order to get the public to change its mind's eye and then tell us we are a failure?

Jimmy Fallon

How is Jimmy Fallon not it?

My Mom's Dream

She wanted an easy kid.  She wanted a smart girl with black hair.  She wanted me to be the big sister and not feel any desire.  She kept a close watch on my attitude as I progressed as a toddler and young child.

Not Messing People Up

I guess you just hope that someone will not mess someone else up for you.

When Your Hair Was Blonde

It seems you can only have certain experiences if your hair was blonde at a certain time.

Racial Stereotypes

Did you realize that people are all stereotyping their race a lot like to say like they don't like the extremes of another or to showcase some extreme in feeling?

Not Gung-Ho?

So, why does everyone listen to some people?

Am I incorrect in thinking I just saw people make fun of people from California and Florida thinking they aren't gung-ho?

Might I add it even overrides fascination of a long time over people born around 1960 rather to liking those born to older parents who are young adults today?

Public Service Announcement

Please stop the inclinations to send messages to do with Helena Bonham Carter attacking my sanity, well-being, and home life, which means the people I know, right now especially my immediate family.

You know, recently, she's identified herself with Tim Burton more, like tried to feel more that like when someone does something to him it affects her but that it's in some way where I owe her something, you know?  Like, I did something I wasn't supposed to in that arena and she's getting back rubbing in that feeling just to me.
TV Show

Apology to Johnny Depp

I almost said something bad about him, but since it's the internet I didn't.  I was saying those things about other people and thought he almost killed me, but I guess he didn't.  :|

I took down the 2 pictures of my cousin.

Tim Burton

Just shock him because he keeps shocking everyone else.

Ellen DeGeneres

I wish she would quit like ruining other people's lives like seeming to complain about her family.  If she ruins other people's lives, we have to bring it up.

Leave my family alone!

They like to hurt me because they don't know what to do, and I don't think they're supposed to be messing around with other white people, anymore, now.

Red Alert!

My life is being overtaken worthlessly for my aunt, things are being molested and removed because of the convulsions she has caused me over my life.

D:{

I don't care about you!!!

I don't want to have to worry about someone else getting hurt or molested by your stupid thoughts.

Let's peak your existence with something minor.

I don't want to be engulfed by your perverted attention, and you don't deserve to "have" me.

Violence

I'm pretty sure it was bored into me thoughts of violence by others, but I never approved of this silliness, myself.

Homewreckers..

What do you think of people who never have to answer to others and come into your own home?

Also, I don't really want things to come up to my future family in ways it doesn't with others nor not to have what I have earned and what every person deserves.  Don't try to twist what I'm saying into something that's untrue!  D:{

On the Lookout

I feel haunted that thoughts will be bored into my head, like they could come up with my future daughter, son, husband, friends, etc.

"So, get this, people..."

If I go in convulsions or feel haunted, I will curse and be violent in my head.  I will try not to, but I don't know what to do about what just happened.  It was so sudden, and I had such a bad week.  Why don't I just remember that things will be okay?  I feel calmer now, posting online.  :|

Riddle

At the bottom: riddle.

"Why do animals like to sleep on house surfaces?  Mainly cats and dogs.  Because they don't want to get down.  -incited by Ellen DeGeneres​"

Hmph

What a lazy, clunky group of ingrates.  Bring up your parents's generation to hurt kids when you're feeling selfish and drunk about yourself.  Claim you sacrificed for them and then *beep* them!

Thoughts

I think the stomach of the female is like something to treasure.  It should not be like secluded out in a bad way, which is not very keen or something...

Also, I don't like the way Tim Burton has spread around the traits of certain people: Winona Ryder who is part Romanian Jewish, Helena Bonham Carter who is very Jewish, Chloe Moretz who seems to have issues with the Baby Boomer generation, and not sure if there's more right now.  Well, how about the case of Johnny Depp?  Tim Burton seems offended when you do crave affection from him.

What's wrong with Ellen DeGeneres?  Is she like changing all the time, like changing colors?  I mean, like, she does something because she has to like because it's what someone else does and she has the God-given right over others.  Then, she's sorry she did it.  Like, I get certain vibes from her that she might not know about.

Also, I really would like to fight people but know I would get in trouble.  I wonder if they would fight back.  I forgot to describe a dream.  I was fighting someone from martial arts.  Also, I was with some kids in a class with a TV and a form of Ellen DeGeneres was there and I was getting all antsy and scooted up.  People noticed.  I wasn't really feeling good at the time.

I dunno, I tried to get the thought of *beep* people out.  I know I don't mean it, but some people are up to me in water or something.  It just comes to my mind because I'm so totally irritated and engulfed, engulfed in a bad way but partly a good way, maybe I'm pretty sure from not having the right food for a week.

I'm worried because it seems I will never have anyone to talk to.  It's like I'm not gonna make it.

I don't really want to hurt anyone.  I've been too nice and feel aroused and can't contain myself.  I'm paranoid about people boring in on me the fact that others are in convulsions in some dimension...

My Aunt

I just left Facebook.  I kept getting visions of her spinning a boy out of control, like a little mass of lines.  Well, I got a new Facebook.  Like I said in a past blog, she seemed to deny the validity of my future daughter|kids and already my brother's future daughter.  It was because my dad overreacted to his being mean to my brother when he got mad at him at Epcot.  I even mentioned it and, as usual, the niggers ignored me.  (Niggers, yes, they treated me like a nigger...  This is constant, consumes my life for no reason.)

Dream

I don't remember my first dream but wish I did.

It seems I've been eating too much.  I feel a bit lunky, unsure what happened.

So, my 2nd dream, I remember I was with an old teacher.  She positioned her arm, from a distance, as though it was around my shoulder but hanging down, because it wouldn't be like perfect if she really did it.  I was with her awhile, walking and in a classroom, and it was pleasant and made me feel good.

I guess the next part was horrific.  There was more to this dream I don't remember.  What happened next was there was a somewhat attractive lady, a little heavy but shapely, with fluffy brown hair, who waltzed into the room to some music, like swaying her hips back and forth.  She was dancing with a lady in place of someone else and looked different, tilted her head back and like had her mouth open and died, maybe having a gooey mouth.  When I came in, it was about how she died.  That was the last of my dream.

I remember the 1st one now.  I was in the back seat of the car with 2 people at my side.  In the front was someone paying attention to me who stimulated me in a good, kinda sharp way.

Some things have been bothering me.  I keep hearing these little usually other worldly sounds that sound like annoyed sounds of Kate Bush because I called somenoe the n word.  I hear cars roar by.  I keep feeling alluded to the word "explode," "pop," and "bomb," in relation to my egg sacks.  I can't stand these little noises constantly bugging me and could make me kill myself.  This happened in college.

Saturday, October 13, 2012

European!

I'm pretty European.  I'm good on my American side.  I don't have to follow silly patterns of rules of I have to think this and that for whatever stimulating reason.

Being Ancient

If you are old first, you get young later with happiness at your accomplishment.

Appreciation

It seems to appreciate something like a long nose you have to first appreciate a short one, though I think a strong nose is best.

Morals

What do you think of knowing things as opposed to morals?

Saying the Right Thing

What do you think of people who say something is true when it's not fur sure but you feel pushed to jump to conclusions?

New Videos of Me Watching "Home on the Range"

YouTube

Race

When people realize they don't have the assets of both races, they ban together to rule out the other.

People Bornin 1950

They don't look as hefty as people born in 1960...  That's more like older people.  It's like how I see younger kids looking bubbly.

Behind Your Back, in the Shadows, in the Background

People say like you should respect famous people, but actually they don't, and the like happens, as well.

So...

I worked but people don't want me to have potential, but everyone is in my face about my interest in Tim Burton?

So...

You want kids today to start out getting too much, doing the wrong things, and then being paid for it?

Race!

Chinese-Indonesian (500 years,) Dutch, Anglo-Irish, Irish, PolishChec|German|Jewish, Scottish, Swiss|Jewish, German & Pennsylvania Dutch, Norwegian, French, English, German|French|Austrian|Liechtensteiner, |maybe Scotch-Irish Jewish, and Native American indian​

Race

Near Bottom of Page - Race

Chinese-Indonesian (500 years,) Dutch, Anglo-Irish, Irish, PolishChec|German|Jewish, Scottish, Swiss|Jewish, German & Pennsylvania Dutch, Norwegian, French, English, maybe Scotch-Irish Jewish, and Native American indian​

Why?

Please don't meddle in my life in ways that will get you in trouble...  Suddenly, my wisdom teeth started hurting while I was eating again.  It reminded me that my brother didn't listen to me and got his wisdom teeth pulled.  My mom made a big dela of it.  My dad was disapproving, probably because he liked me.  When we went to Disney once, my brother shoved the food at the Chinese place to my dad...  I never do anything in that fashion.  My brother is in college and works, in Environmental Science!  D8  Also, I think my brother knocked him out, then, and acted like he'd keep doing it.  At supper months later, he was chewing his food and making noise vigorously like he'd hurt my mom, but she doesn't care!  D:'  She put me in the mental hospital with my dad!  I guess my threat in a previous blog was that if you do that to me I could do that to you instead.  Now, my periods are shallow and had gotten so lush when I came home from college!  I think I'm gonna *beep* someone.  No, I do not disapprove of my dad like being mean to my brother about losing his teeth, though it would teach him not to listen to my mom.  It's too late, though.  My brother always clinged to my mom and never listened to me.  I just hid behind her dress.

I'm wondering about some things now, how it gets Ellen off that I'm mixed race.  Well, her mom's last name is Jewish Austrian or Austrian, but it's kinda nice.  Why does everyone seem to have a problem or something that makes them different in a bad way?  I found I have a Swiss|Jewish last name.  Audrey Hepburn's mom's last name is Swiss.  Also, I have a Polish|Chec|German|Jewish last name.  Ellen DeGeneres is a famous person who is more famous than Elvis, well maybe not.  She keeps a low profile but is seen more than most people.  I understand that people are forward with her in inappropriate ways and bottle up their true emotions about her.  I guess it's an interesting issue to her, but it's not to me.  I talk about anti-racism.  I talked about it a lot, but I won't sit here and talk about how I'm not white when I'm more white than other people of other races.

Dreams

It's hard to remember now.  I was gonna say some other stuff, too.  Let me just go out and say it.  I thought Kate Bush was really nice.  She's from England and her mom is Irish.  I called someone the n word and it seems the whole world knows.  Wow, even when I type on WordPad, I mean Notepad, sometimes the words blink and it makes me jump.  Anyway, I like to live surreally, but I keep hearing these other worldy sounds of Kate Bush being antsy that she wants to knock me out of my senses and make me uncomfortable, even with my Noisemaker.

So, my dreams?  I think I can remember one.  Well, it wasn't really a big deal.  I think it was disjointed and uncomfortable...  I'm not sure if I'd remember it.  I don't think there was anything about caring about me.  I think it was like a camp.

I was trying to feel like those kids in 2005 being carried, but I felt knocked out by Kate Bush and had to masturbate about that pornographic Alice, which I saw some pictures of, which shames me because I don't really masturbate to porn.  I masturbated to myself, yesterday.  :|

Anyway, these clicks and squeaks are constant and of the annoying type.  It's like being a hostage.  No one helps me.  It's like when I'm in school and no one can get me out of it but me.

I'm also mad I thought that Ellen DeGeneres in a way mainly caused this ... my dad was having popcorn and I felt like my tubes were gonna pop all night and woke up a few time and went to the bathroom.  I was upset and settled in and made myself feel better, in the end.  I don't know why I was so mad, but I was.  I mean, he even popped it at a time where I supposedly should have not gotten, well, at all mad.  I think you're a perv if you think I should be mistreated by my father.  Who thinks that?  You mustn't be very cool because that isn't cool.  It's mean, and it won't get you anywhere, and adults will twist your life, like they've always done, and they will all do it so you can't stop them.  You know people like you want approval from them.  So, I got mad at people walking yesterday, at cars, thinking they'd never have a comfortable, fulfilled life for mocking me.  Well, 2 days ago.

Friday, October 12, 2012

New Videos of Me Singing

YouTube

New Photos of Me

Flickr

Like Me

I don't know why people get fascinated with my faults.

Ellen DeGeneres

I caughther red-handed.  I was looking at how bright my hair looked on the top, and I got a feeling my future daughter's hair would be more dull.  I lived in the area where she's from, and that kind of thing rubs of fon you.  That is so frickin' gay.  No one really agrees with having that happen to them.  Can you not think of anything else to do?

New Photos of Me

Flickr

@TheEllenShow

I'll watch your clip later.  I'm waiting for my nails to dry.  I finally got new food, but I guess someone here took all the sushi.  I almost finished the first 2 fish with stuffed crab.

I dunno, maybe I'll watch it, soon!

Anyway, I noticed that Jeannie lept into Amy's, uh, lap|side.  ^99^  ^66^  I walk around at night and I don't get scared.  I was hoping to see a ghost.  I've started eating more and found that it made me feel good.  I'm wondering if I'lle ven crave physical affection.  I'm taller than one of my aunts now, and sometimes she's affectionate toward me, well usually.  She doesn't have any kids.  It's funny, 2 music people from New Orleans to do with singers made me feel like they were picking me up and I kinda feel mad now why not just do it?  However, that was a long time ago, and I didn't get as much attention as I could.  I feel all icky, so I'm usually a distance from young people but still can think pretty well and take good care of myself physically.  My arms are finally getting bigger, which I guess now is a good thing, but they're still shockingly noodly.  I'm probably bigger than my other aunt, too.  I'm bigger than my brother, who is taller than my dad, who was as tall as you.  I'm so interested in people getting scared and close...  I feel so irritated right now!  People know I like it when people touch me who are attractive and that I'm kinda special.  I haven't really "touched" anyone much at all, but it's someting that runs through my vains...  I guess I get along people well when I see them.  I like people who are born around 1970, 1960, etc.  I guess I like older people a lot.  It's funny when you meet people just a little older than you and they're so caring...  So, last night, I was wondering about how I was in between the age of the boy from The Santa Claus and the Olsen twins, and I just didn't get it...  I saw people in Washington, D.C., who looked very pristine, however, and they had to be in like their first year of high school or junior high.  This was 2005.  I noticed things have been going around, but I think if you really wanted to mess around you should do things like this TV show I started watching first, after I got mad at racism on the Johnny Depp board (not mad at those people themselves, at least not now and seems like will never be because they were weird to me for being new and different and stuff,) and I posted on their site I punched my wall and made a hole.  My family heard, watching TV and stuff, and stopped, for some reason, like it was cool.  It wasn't a bad punch, but then my mom and family started degrading me.  I got taken to get my blackheads out, and it damaged my brain.  Then, I called Nell Burton a nigger because I thought her mom and other people involved wanted me to, maybe Tim Burton tricking me, who I thought I was talking to on IMDb.  So, anyway, I guess the scariest thing I saw on "Ghost Adventures" was when they asked with a machine where the ghost was answering somehow if they killed that person.  However, there was no answer.  It's pretty scary when they see ghosts.  I could not handle it, but I would not cower to any person, unless it was you.  Or someone like Orla Fallon.  I guess if I had a boyfriend there, I'd be trying to play it cool on my feet.  When I grow up, I don't think I will be scared of real ghosts.  When I went on the ghost tour in Key West, my cousin took me, and she held my hand and it didn't help.  I was interested in ghosts on my old Twitter, which I'm assuming you saw for some reason, where I used to live in the oldest continuing city in the U.S.  I've never been on any other ghost tours.  I don't think I'd be scared of that one.  I used to walk all around the city.  It would probably tickle me to death to go back there and do it.  "Ghost Adventures" when tot eh for there, but I don't remember much.  I remember watching a video when I lived there I think showing an apparition of the old Spanish soldiers still there.  You should go there and get to know the place if it interests you, maybe, because everyone says it's a beautiful city.  I lived 2nd house closest to the downtown mark, but it was old and small and we weren't really rich, though we had a nice, somehow spoiled life.  The city was so scenic and preserved.  There was a bay.  I lived here and went to the same school the longest, age 9, 10, 11.  The bay is big, too.  I don't know if it's the sea, but there's an island where lots of people I knew lived and could walk to the beach on, though the beach is only good in the very Southeastern coast of Florida.  There are probably ghost tours here.  I've seen ghosts.  Stuff like that.  Maybe, in the Spring you came across my writing?..  Maybe, I should plaque it back up...  When people touch me here, which isn't often at all, it feels so much better, though, though I hold it in but they still do it.  You know, I had this dream that you lifted me off the ground under my arms, way up high, because I was sleeping on the floor of a house and had to go to the bathroom.  I can't think of what else right now.  I had fairly strong arms because I took gymnastics once or twice a week.  They were almost as big as my legs.  I wanted them to get dainty, though.  Since leaving the South, they've gotten bigger, even when I returned.  Even though I used to eat a lot, they were still very skinny.  My fingers seem huge for my size.  I was known as being, at first, dainty, and then very hefty.  I was known for bein kinda substantial when we lived in the oldest city.  I also sang all those years and before and after at the nation's oldest parish, Catholic.  Maybe, you wandered onto my YouTube or whoever is readnig this and watched me singing the religious song, maybe my favorite.  I guess I'll just keep going on without a point.  The truth is, now, I'm making myself feel like people touch me all the time, whereas for a long time I held it in a lot.  I was feeling kinda bad about myself before, like "stupid."  So, I'm moving it up to become more like realistically workable as being acceptable socially and now seeming too set back to some, though I am suffering.  However, I don't really get people to touch me much, and when I see people I'm usually clowning around quite a bit, more snide and serious, though, in that way.  Very sharp, astute, and cutting.  Detailed, hard.  I just don't live a life where I become overcome.  When I see people, if I'm not feeling weird, I'll usually be able to keep to myself.  I always do and don't really get close to people.  However, when really nice people touch me, it's a big deal.  I think about it a lot, though lately I haven't.  I haven't been thinking about my mom touching me, but I'm trying to get that feeling back of Orla Fallon putting her arm around my waist in front of Tim Burton, like a picture I saw of Chloe Moretz with her mom.  It was after Frankenweenie and it felt so good, like orbs of feeling so strong to the center of the earth, for some reason like that, the center of the earth or something to that extent.  I thought of something bad and stopped.  It wasn't so disappointing.  She was probably kinda like rubbing my waist.  I have never felt that good, before, so satisfied!  I noticed when I sing, sometimes it's stimulating, to me, as well.  I do like to have fun.  I have.  I guess I share experiences.  I was walking aropund the roud thinking of you, and other cars were there, and it felt like you were pickling me up and I liked it.  I guess that's some fun I have in some dimension with most people, though I don't realize it at the time, maybe.  Sometimes, it doesn't work.  Sometimes, my mom reminds me of Orla Fallon.  My dad said he doesn't want to watch my like 10 10 minute YouTubes of me talking about touching people because "dads shouldn't know about that" or him.  I don't know.  He's pretty nice and proper but sometimes shows off like I'm unaccomplished, actually.  My family makes me feel good, sometimes as an after-affect, like the extended ones.  They are pretty careful.  I haven't seen them since I was 15.  I was with my aunt where Renee Fleming is from.  I was up there a month.  I got tired.  So, I really want that feeling of Orla Fallon putting her arm around my waist!  I was thinking of lots of people.  You know that YouTube video of the Swedish singer born in 1952|1953?  I watched her this one time after watching your show, and it made me feel really good in a more fundamental way, as well.  I don't like the silly feeling I get when I browse kids online, though.  It usually makes me masturbate.  In real life, kids have done that, too, when I lived in Orlando, but I thought about it a lot when I lived in Slidell, those kinds of things.  So, that is cute that your relations are getting so close together.  You take good care of them.  I wish I still saw my friends, but I don't have nay.  I think they thought something was wrong with me.  I miss different people in my life and was closer to some of them.  I saw a lady with bleached hair and bangs at the grocery store with her brunette son, and I was like "she does it."  She was kinda short.  So, I am careful with who I let touch me, when, and how.  It shouldn't matter, but like why?  I can do it to myself, get to know people online.  It's not like they'll all die.  I'm wondering if I'll meet certain people, well this one boy.  It's like I have to wait for someone good enough for me.  I liked a boy in high school who I think still likes me but doesn't talk to me.  The boy online wanted me to marry him, but I was thinking of the other boy and now he doesn't say.  I totally forgot my relationships with past females.  Then, started getting into you and others.  I wasn't gonna watch your show because it made me feel bad I thought you like followed me online.  I was trying to become an actor but didn't make it nor becoming a model, one place left that looks promising.  I know most places make you wait 6 months when you don't make it.  I don't know why Florida makes me want to be an actor more.  I feel weird in public, like uncomforted, but when I get out and people see me it's okay.  I guess I'll wait until I'm in better shape now.  I don't really care like if someone like me gets famous first because then I guess I could be different.  I guess I am wondering if it will cancel out my opportunity.  I don't really think it would do that.  There are lots of people like me who don't even go online.  We're human with different assets, and most probably aren't mixed race so maybe have a good life in a different way.  I don't know, you might know this, but I feel bad when I hear the cars roar by, which isn't often.  I just got a noisemaker and wear earplugs and am tired of music.  I just don't think I should feel some things that supposedly aren't rea.  It really bothers me.  It makes me very mad.  I guess I'll go now.  Time to sing and watch your show.  Maybe make some roast beef or whatever.  Or fish.

Poor Guy

Well, I guess I was thinking about hurting someone like emotionally but not mangling them and to do with someone else, if that's an important fact to know...  I was mad because this person kinda shied away and disapproved.  I guess I was already mad and it was too much, so I acted like he was like in the bad way gay but not to hurt him, just the only thought that came up but tried to avoid the word.  However, I kept doing it, like do you want me to keep doing it?  So, he reminded me of well made me feel like a line of a tube kinda thinner but not too thin near the bottom of my hips and think of beer.  Someone kinda knocked me up in a V for some reason earlier.  Then, I heard him sound like "pizza."  It didn't hurt at the time and I'm not sure how much it irritates me.  Then, he drove away innocently but gruffly wondering about "what's not in it in the next 'nigger car.'"

Messing Around

You can't get away with mangling with me.

What If People Didn't Really Affect My Life

I don't know, but they keeping popping in with weird things.  I know that there is an after-effect.  I did go full out but didn't try to mangle with them.  I don't do that.

New Videos of Me Singing

YouTube

Dream

The carpet was very thick and hard.

Dream

Ah, yes, I really felt myself blinded on the floor of a carpet by a door that wasn't ours and later somewhere else.

Dream

The first was more interesting with more pain.

The second one, I thought someone really came in my room.  I felt their large hand|arm lift my shorts.  I thought it was supposed to go the other way but was stimulating me.  I felt medium-short smooth, straight, probably fair, bright, sandy blonde locks, layered.   I was feeling for them as they moved me around the room.  I was left a bit overcome with stimulation but nothing elating.  Then, I imagined something I don't remember well, but I sort of thought it up.  Something else interesting happened.

I guess I kind liked the closeness I experienced tonight.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Just to Talk

So, if you just get mad at me when things don't go my way, how will that go?  Some people agree ultimately some people don't deserve to be famous, the lesser ones and the ones who do terribly nasty things on purpose and like throughout time.

I get mad and figure I will not figure out what to say.  I don't think there's anything wrong with other people being mean to others and like cursing really meanly.  It's my blog, and I need help right away, help that I don't get.

...

Joke

Joke

Why wasn't the fish in the water?  Because he was online.  -incited by Ellen DeGeneres​

My Grandma

WILL THE MEMORY OF MY GRANDMA STOP BEING SO STUPID ABOUT NELL BURTON?

Ellen DeGeneres

Thanks a lot!  I just sat down a bit harshly.

Thanks a lot to my mom for participating in your unsatisfying ways.

MY MOM IS BEING STUPID PUSHING ME TO BE MEAN ABOUT NELL BURTON.  SHE JUST SUGGESTED SHE DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE ME JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE BEING SO "WORTHLESS" ... ABOUT MY "FATHER."  NO ONE CARES.  DID YOU KNOW THAT?

Renee Fleming

Associations with her have also reacted to the N word thing and I feel has made me close up to my father *beep*

Closed Up

Ellen DeGeneres

She seems to be unrelenting and mean just because of the n word thing with Nell Burton ... how stupid!  She's just a goody two shoes with no substance, though she comes from a place that has remarkable substance in many ways, though seems like a living Hell.  Nuff said.  I mean, she just follows rules and doesn't really do anything.  I don't know if this is what I mean like on the surface level.  I don't think she respects people like my dad, and I can't have her playing around like that.  She seems to cling to people like my grandma in the wrong way.

My Dad

I get a saracastic smug about him, and I no longer trust him.  He wants me to suffer what everyone else does but thinks he impresses his mom up north by catering to me, how stupid!  Please respect my rights to feel, you Goddamn niggers!  WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS WORLD?

Kate Bush

I keep getting bothered by her perverted ways.  I get echoes of her repercussions and have suffered a lot because of her take on the n word thing.  I do hold her to acclaim in ways others don't and understand she's more reclusive.

My Dad

I'm tired of his nigger ways.  No one should care about how they treat him.

Ellen DeGeneres and Tim Burton

I could just rip you apart for ruining my relationship with my dad.

I don't care!

You all should suffer how you've made me suffer.  Stop boring in things on me.  Someone get help and stop my dad and these people from listening to him!
Twitter

New Photos of Me

Flickr
Girl

Disturbed

So, I just felt stimulated again.  I find that like the first half of me gets very aroused and the second half of me ... can't.  :0

When I Start to Feel More

Whey do I have to feel bad if I feel more?
Tumblr

Ways of Knowing...

Some people really aren't nice but know morals.

Undue Suffering

So, now, you won't recite to me that I have to suffer things others don't because it depends on the situation.
Jokes by Ellen DeGeneres
New Facebook

Deaths

I was so sad to see in the Yahoo! top 2 searches Alex Karras and Sam Gibbons dies.
Jokes

Who to Blame and What Not to Consider

I don't play games.  I don't want to get mad at any one person for the disagreement of many.  :|

I added my website.

Twitter

Suspicious

I find that pretty much everyone is going crazy with me because I'm mixed.  They are trying to tell me I am not good and shouldn't do this and that.  They have reactions to when something good happens to me or when I need something.  I have concluded it's because of the prejudices of my hair color.

I was gonna say something else but forgot...
TV Show

My Grandma

People liked me a lot and seem to suck up to her because they "squeezed out of me" in some way that I held her to acclaim, and I don't know if that's because we're related...

"The Ellen DeGeneres Show"

It didn't record today.  D':  But I checked and it's recording tomorrow.  }:D

I'm taller than my older aunt, now.

MySpace
Forum

Feeling Okay

I finally made myself feel normal.

Degrees

It seems the online degrees in Communications|Public Relations don't offer as many hands on courses.

I don't know about Web Design.  I mean, it's important and fun.

Disdain for My Family

Ever since the stupid "n" word thin, they've been wanting me to get in the drama of their sin, as a sinner.

Being Bugged Incessantly

}:)  By niggers!

Let me think about this. :6

Young people "can't do" "certain moves."

Dream

I had an incredible dream.  The first one had me wake up wanting to be carried, though I'm eating a lot and trying to get really big.  I'll tell you why I wanted to be fondled by someone.  I was like tired because I have't been to the grocery store in awhile.  I had a somewhat heavy but not very big backpack on.  I heard some people.  I was upstairs, actually a lot like my house in Slidell.  I got in the closet which was small, trying to get up a the top but was stuck in between the walls.  They came in and shot a gun at me.  I felt some sensation but nothing really, kinda like at my shoulder.  I breathed a little loudly when they left, and they came back and shot me again, supposedly hitting me this time, on my shoulder.  So, I woke up thinking I was just killed.  These guys were srcrawny but supple with thin heads, 2 or 3.  I guess I just felt icky, too, from not having the right food and just feeling so deadbeat.

My 2nd dream was neat.  It was like a camp.  I remember there was a big tank of water.  There was a weird, simple plant sticking out of the water.  My mom and brother were looking at it.  I put my hands in the water.  We were looking for maybe 5 minutes.  I was wondering if there were crocodillians.  There was one time I thought we were all underwater.  I guess not.  I went out to get a snack.  There were several beer machines, with like letters for logos.  There was a snack machine, a soda machine with a square button pad, and then this thing where you could pick out the stuff yourself, with a pocket of dollar bills.

I guess I like the independence I felt.

"With" "You"

You may think I go under, but, somehow, I end up not.  I don't know if I ever will.  Who doesn't?

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Topics

My family are all niggers.

They keep making up crap.

They think they can tell all these people I like they are worthless to me.

They sure come on as loud and clunky shit.

Please stop believing anything they think.  They're really just niggers.  Really.  They're not the only ones.

I want to stop hearing their interference in my life.

So, you think you're gonna get all the pleasure, as well?  Rub it in my face and make it seem worse?  JUST BECAUSE OF THAT IDIOTIC N WORD THING?


Ellen DeGeneres

It's her fault my dad has gray hair, well partly white.


Really mean.

Are people like Orla Fallon confused you're supposed to be bad to be cool?  The Irish and the Scottish and the Welsh are such failures.


My dad is so pointless.

I hear the echoes of his "mental" retardation torturing "those I love" slowly...

... Get him to stop!  What if we hurt him?


I SAID I DON'T CARE WHAT MY NIGGER FAMILY THINKS ABOUT ME AND ANYONE I GET ON WITH.

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